I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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