hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
