Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
