why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you never un-have a 4some
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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