fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
