My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
