A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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