Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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