So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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