What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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