She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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