if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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