I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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