Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
