Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
