maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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