how can u be prego again
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I love you. Go after that dick
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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