if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
