Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
