I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
