Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
