did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
