My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
