Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
God I need to hump something, right now.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize