I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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