i jhust puked up my retainher.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
