you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
