Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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