You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis