my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.