I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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