ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.