so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
