dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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