So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
