i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
