So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
