I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
