this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
