i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
