Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
