wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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