I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
