I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
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