dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
