butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
wrigley field is MILF paradise
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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