I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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