I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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