please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
