I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
