Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
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