sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize