just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
