She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
