Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
