omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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