I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
