I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
