i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
