I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
