i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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