I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
