I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
