Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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