i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
That accounts for only three of the penises
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
