Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize