The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
