She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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