im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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