that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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