I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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